From the BlogMeet Ron

A Date With Destiny? AA Grapevine October 1944

A Date With Destiny?
AA Grapevine October 1944 
 
Somebody once said, “As much as you may grow, as many recoveries as there may be, I think the eventual by-products of A.A. will be greater than A.A. itself.”
Everywhere now, we hear such remarks. They come from all kinds of people. Doctors think of applying our methods to other neurotics; clergymen wonder if our humble example may not vitalize their congregations; businessmen find we make good personnel managers–they glimpse a new industrial democracy; educators see power in our non-controversial way of presenting the truth; and our friends wistfully say, “We wish we were alcoholics–we need A.A. too.”
 
Why these stirrings? They must all mean, I am sure, that we have suddenly become much more than recovered alcoholics, A.A. members only. Society has begun to hope that we are going to utilize, in every walk of life, that miraculous experience of our returning, almost overnight, from the fearsome land of Nowhere.
 
Yes, we are again citizens of the world. It is a distraught world, very tired, very uncertain. It has worshipped its own self-sufficiency–and that has failed. We A.A.s are a people who once did that very thing. That philosophy failed us, too. So perhaps, here and there, our example of recovery can help. As individuals, we have a responsibility, may be a double responsibility. It may be that we have a date with destiny.
 
An example: Not long ago Dr. E. M. Jellinek, of Yale University, came to us. He said, “Yale, as you know, is sponsoring a program of public education on alcoholism, entirely non-controversial in character. We need the cooperation of many A.A.s. To proceed on any educational project concerning alcoholism without the goodwill, experience and help of A.A. members would be unthinkable.”
So, when the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism was formed, an A.A. member was made its executive director: Marty M., one of our oldest and finest. In this issue, she tells The Grapevine of her new work. As a member of A.A., she is just as much interested in us as before–A.A. is still her avocation. But as an officer of the Yale-sponsored National Committee, she is also interested in educating the general public on alcoholism. Her A.A. training has wonderfully fitted her for this post in a different field. Public education on alcoholism is to be her vocation.
 
Could an A.A. do such a job? At first, Marty herself wondered. She asked her A.A. friends, “Will I be regarded as a professional?” Her friends replied, “Had you come to us, Marty, proposing to be a therapist, to sell straight A.A. to alcoholics at so much a customer, we should certainly have branded that as professionalism. So would everybody else.
 
“But the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism is quite another matter. You will be taking your natural abilities and A.A. experience into a very different field. We don’t see how that can affect your amateur status with us. Suppose you were to become a social worker, a personnel officer, the manager of a state farm for alcoholics, or even a minister of the Gospel? Who could possibly say those activities would make you a professional A.A.? No one, of course.”
They went on, “Yet we do hope that A.A. as a whole will never deviate from its sole purpose of helping other alcoholics. As an organization, we should express no opinions save on the recovery of problem drinkers. That very sound national policy has kept us out of much useless trouble already, and will surely forestall untold complications in the future.
 
“Though A.A. as a whole,” they continued, “should never have but one objective, we believe just as strongly that for the individual there should be no limitations whatever, except his own conscience. He should have the complete right to choose his own opinions and outside activities. If these are good, A.A.s everywhere will approve. Just so, Marty, do we think it will be in your case. While Yale is your actual sponsor, we feel sure that you are going to have the warm personal support of thousands of A.A.s wherever you go. We shall all be thinking how much better a break this new generation of potential alcoholic kids will have because of your work, how much it might have meant to us had our own mothers and fathers really understood alcoholism.” Personally I feel that Marty’s friends have advised her wisely; that they have clearly distinguished between the limited scope of “A.A. as a whole” and the broad horizon of the individual A.A. acting on his own responsibility; that they have probably drawn a correct line between what we would regard as professional and amateur.
Bill W. AA Co-Founder, Bill W., October 1944
“A Date With Destiny” The Language of the Heart
================================

There is no greater weakness than stubbornness. If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life – you lose. 
–Maxwell Maltz
Glass is very hard, but fragile. By contrast, leather is tough and resilient. A blow to a glass dish will break it, but a blow to a shoe will just be absorbed. Our program leads us to avoid the folly of being hard like glass, and we become tougher like leather. We must endure surprises, pressures, and blows from the world as a normal part of life. The more able we are to absorb the blows, the stronger and more whole we are as men.
A friend who has a different opinion from ours can be listened to and his ideas considered. There is no need to compete with him or prove that we are right. When our plan for a project at work gets set aside, we will feel the frustration but we need not come apart over it. Perhaps our Higher Power is leading us to a better plan. Frustrations with spouses or friends can be turned over to our Higher Power. We do not have a rigid recipe for life, and we must be open to more learning.
I will surrender my fragile stubbornness in exchange for the toughness I can learn in compromise.

================================

 
 
Somebody once said, “As much as you may grow, as many recoveries as there may be, I think the eventual by-products of A.A. will be greater than A.A. itself.”
Everywhere now, we hear such remarks. They come from all kinds of people. Doctors think of applying our methods to other neurotics; clergymen wonder if our humble example may not vitalize their congregations; businessmen find we make good personnel managers–they glimpse a new industrial democracy; educators see power in our non-controversial way of presenting the truth; and our friends wistfully say, “We wish we were alcoholics–we need A.A. too.”
 
Why these stirrings? They must all mean, I am sure, that we have suddenly become much more than recovered alcoholics, A.A. members only. Society has begun to hope that we are going to utilize, in every walk of life, that miraculous experience of our returning, almost overnight, from the fearsome land of Nowhere.
 
Yes, we are again citizens of the world. It is a distraught world, very tired, very uncertain. It has worshipped its own self-sufficiency–and that has failed. We A.A.s are a people who once did that very thing. That philosophy failed us, too. So perhaps, here and there, our example of recovery can help. As individuals, we have a responsibility, may be a double responsibility. It may be that we have a date with destiny.
 
An example: Not long ago Dr. E. M. Jellinek, of Yale University, came to us. He said, “Yale, as you know, is sponsoring a program of public education on alcoholism, entirely non-controversial in character. We need the cooperation of many A.A.s. To proceed on any educational project concerning alcoholism without the goodwill, experience and help of A.A. members would be unthinkable.”
So, when the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism was formed, an A.A. member was made its executive director: Marty M., one of our oldest and finest. In this issue, she tells The Grapevine of her new work. As a member of A.A., she is just as much interested in us as before–A.A. is still her avocation. But as an officer of the Yale-sponsored National Committee, she is also interested in educating the general public on alcoholism. Her A.A. training has wonderfully fitted her for this post in a different field. Public education on alcoholism is to be her vocation.
 
Could an A.A. do such a job? At first, Marty herself wondered. She asked her A.A. friends, “Will I be regarded as a professional?” Her friends replied, “Had you come to us, Marty, proposing to be a therapist, to sell straight A.A. to alcoholics at so much a customer, we should certainly have branded that as professionalism. So would everybody else.
 
“But the National Committee for Education on Alcoholism is quite another matter. You will be taking your natural abilities and A.A. experience into a very different field. We don’t see how that can affect your amateur status with us. Suppose you were to become a social worker, a personnel officer, the manager of a state farm for alcoholics, or even a minister of the Gospel? Who could possibly say those activities would make you a professional A.A.? No one, of course.”
They went on, “Yet we do hope that A.A. as a whole will never deviate from its sole purpose of helping other alcoholics. As an organization, we should express no opinions save on the recovery of problem drinkers. That very sound national policy has kept us out of much useless trouble already, and will surely forestall untold complications in the future.
 
“Though A.A. as a whole,” they continued, “should never have but one objective, we believe just as strongly that for the individual there should be no limitations whatever, except his own conscience. He should have the complete right to choose his own opinions and outside activities. If these are good, A.A.s everywhere will approve. Just so, Marty, do we think it will be in your case. While Yale is your actual sponsor, we feel sure that you are going to have the warm personal support of thousands of A.A.s wherever you go. We shall all be thinking how much better a break this new generation of potential alcoholic kids will have because of your work, how much it might have meant to us had our own mothers and fathers really understood alcoholism.” Personally I feel that Marty’s friends have advised her wisely; that they have clearly distinguished between the limited scope of “A.A. as a whole” and the broad horizon of the individual A.A. acting on his own responsibility; that they have probably drawn a correct line between what we would regard as professional and amateur.
Bill W. AA Co-Founder, Bill W., October 1944
“A Date With Destiny” The Language of the Heart
================================

There is no greater weakness than stubbornness. If you cannot yield, if you cannot learn that there must be compromise in life – you lose. 
–Maxwell Maltz
Glass is very hard, but fragile. By contrast, leather is tough and resilient. A blow to a glass dish will break it, but a blow to a shoe will just be absorbed. Our program leads us to avoid the folly of being hard like glass, and we become tougher like leather. We must endure surprises, pressures, and blows from the world as a normal part of life. The more able we are to absorb the blows, the stronger and more whole we are as men.
A friend who has a different opinion from ours can be listened to and his ideas considered. There is no need to compete with him or prove that we are right. When our plan for a project at work gets set aside, we will feel the frustration but we need not come apart over it. Perhaps our Higher Power is leading us to a better plan. Frustrations with spouses or friends can be turned over to our Higher Power. We do not have a rigid recipe for life, and we must be open to more learning.
I will surrender my fragile stubbornness in exchange for the toughness I can learn in compromise.

================================

JAN.2017 HEARD AT ALA-NON MEETING

HEARD AT ALA-NON MEETING

When I say no I feel like I’m putting myself in danger.
 Al-anon member
========================
If things are okay I always tend to think
the shoes are you going to drop on the other foot.
Ala-non member
==========================
The Apollo 13 was only on track 10% of the time,
so is always doing u-turns.
Ala-non member
==========================
I had to constantly re-parent it myself before
I could have a baby. Ala-non member
==========================

A coincidence is a little miracle in which
God chooses to remain anonymous.Alanon member
 
Be in nature and discover how much God loves you,
 “Pause, so you can hear the rabbits.”.
Ala-non member
 
I cannot give other people the status
of my Higher Power.
Ala-non member
 
“God helps those who don’t try to take over His work”. ODAT pg 196
 
What ever your heart clings to, that is your God. Martin Luther
A mind is a dangerous place, don’t go there alone..Alanon member

Learn to give from my overflow rather that from my reserve. 
This is self care, we learn to let go of burdens we were never 
meant to carry. Learn to ask, “What is the best thing for me?”
Ala-non member


An expectation is a premeditated resentment.
Courage to Change  Page 153
 
Any time I am in resentment,
I am not taking care of myself.
I am blaming someone else for something I need to do.
Ala-non member
The higher the expectations,
the lower the serenity.
I try to keep my boundaries high,
my expectations low, and my heart open. 
Ala-non member


You Can Control Yourself,
You Can Change Yourself,
You Can Cure Yourself.
Ala-non member

I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.Ala-non member

Anger can be constructive in telling me that 
someone else is stepping on some boundaries 
that I need to enforce.
Ala-non member

My Happiness is My Responsibility.
Ala-non member

I cannot give other people the status 
of my Higher Power.
Ala-non member
 
I want to be able to respond, not react.Ala-non member

The difference between pity and compassion – pity elevates me, compassion is empathy for another’s humanness.Ala-non member

When I blame someone else for something,

 I give up my power to them.
Ala-non member

What you think of me is none of my business.
Ala-non member

Just for today I will adjust myself to what is,
and not try to adjust everything to my own desires.Ala-non member

I didn’t cause it, but if I recognize that I may have contributed to it,
then I need to own that part: only that.
Ala-non member

I can please only one person per day.
Today is not your day…
Tomorrow’s not looking good either!
Ala-non member

======================

 I want to be able to respond, not react.Ala-non member

Doing the same thing over and over again

 and expecting different results.Ala-non member
 
Willingness = a readiness to change one’s perception.Ala-non member
 
The difference between pity and compassion –
pity elevates me, compassion is empathy for another’s humanness. 

Ala-non member

Pain is something that comes and goes,
suffering is something we hold on to
Ala-non member
 
 

Denial is the shock absorber for the soul.
 It protects us until we are equipped to cope with reality.Alanon member
 
Martyrdom, manipulating, managing and mothering.
Ala-non member
 
“The only difference between stumbling blocks and stepping stones is in how you use them” ODAT pg 185
 
 
 
It is futile to spend time trying to figure out what
makes some one else tick.Alanon member
 
When I blame someone else for something,
I give up my power to them.
Alanon member
 
What you think of me is none of my business. 
Ala-non member

When I get into a situation, I always ask myself,
“What is my part in it? What is going on with me?” 


Alanon member
 
Thing to say to the alcoholic when he/she does his/her thing: 
  I never thought of it that way. 
   You could be right 
 
Alanon member
 
 
This is what I want. This is what I need.
This is what I feel. This is what I think.
This is what I will do.Ala-non member
 
It is easier to resist the bait than to
struggle with the hook.
Alanon member
 
My Happiness is My Responsibility.Ala-non member
 
Worry is a terrible waste of time.Ala-non member
 
Say what you mean, mean what you say, 
but don’t be mean when you say it.
Ala-non member
 
Would I rather be Right or would I rather be HAPPY
Ala-on member
 
“Be yourself because everyone else is taken.”  Oscar Wilde
 
Al Anon is like a laboratory,
we experiment and find out what works for us.


Alanon member 

 

“Helping” I’m disrespecting their ability to do it themselves.
I’m saying that they are broken.
Alanon member
 
I am just showing up to listen.Alanon member
 
“I remove the other person’s dignity if I try to make
their decisions for them”  ODAT pg 200

 
Control is only an illusion.Alanon member
 
When we point a finger at someone,
three are pointing back at us.
Alanon member
 
At times I am afraid of my own feelings if 
I don’t get in there and try to control.. what if?
Alanon member
 
When I have a feeling, 
I lean into it and look at the idea behind the feeling.
Ala-non member

Learn to live with the “dis-ease” that comes when you stop something
and practice new behavior, the feelings will pass.
Ala-non member 

 
Anger can be constructive in telling me that someone else
is stepping on some boundaries that I need to enforce.
Alanon member
 
I cannot give what I do not have.Alanon member
 
I am not responsible for other people’s happiness.Alanon member
 
“Worry is a thin stream of fear trickling through the mind. If encouraged, it cuts a channel into which all other thoughts are drained.”  A.S. Roche

The feeling that I am a mistake instead of 
feeling that I made a mistake.
Alanon member


We don’t have to act on our feelings,

we can look at them and let them pass.
Ala-non member
 
Every time I tell the truth, I gain my own freedom.Ala-non member
 
I need to be true to who I am to be able to have a sense of self.Alanon member
 
Am I comparing my insrides with other people’s outsides
when I feel out of it in a group?
Ala-non member
 
Say what you mean, mean what you say, 
but don’t be mean when you say it.
Ala-non member
 
 
 For once I didn’t buy into it and it was wonderful.
Alanon member 
 
 
 Rigidity always binds fear.Ala-non member
 I thought I couldn’t be happy until everyone else was, 
that’s the way I thought God wanted it to be. Ala-non member
Change can only come from a position of acceptance..
Ala-non member


There are no mistakes, only lessons.
Alanon member


 
Pause for Poise.
Ala-non member


“I can only love myself as much as I believe I am lovable.”
Ala-non member


 
I don’t worry about tomorrow because God has 
already been there and He has set the stage.
.Ala-non member
 
Pain is something that comes and goes,
 suffering is something we hold on to.
Ala-non member
 
Kindness – I like to treat myself with a Grandmother’s heart.
 Al-Anon is where we can practice kindness to ourselves. 
Ala-non member


Living in the past is VICTIM, Living in the
future is MANIPULATING. Live in the present.
Alanon member


Resentment is anger re sent, it goes round 
and round resending the feelings. 
Alanon member


All suffering is the result of thought pointing in the wrong direction.  Thought does not change an emotion but action does.
Alanon member

Meditation “sitting quietly and letting the mud settle”.
Alanon member


Don’t turn feelings into decisions.Alanon member

Kindness – I like to treat myself with a Grandmother’s heart.
 Al-Anon is where we can practice kindness to ourselves. 
Ala-non member



Sincerely,
Ron Richey
808-734-5732
545 Queen St. #701
Honolulu, Hi 96813
iamronrichey@gmail.com
www.melloron.com


Sincerely,
Ron Richey
808-734-5732
439 Nahua Street #2
Honolulu, Hi 96815
iamronrichey@gmail.com
www.melloron.com